The Reinvention of Me: What Comes Next

Every year, I go back and forth on whether or not I want to create a set of resolutions I may or may not follow.  In the past, I’ve called them “wishes” or “goals”  as “resolving” to do something sounds too committal and too serious.  However, my boyfriend has inspired me to think about actual resolutions and after hearing some of his, I’ve decided to create some of my own.  BUT, sticking with them is a whole other story, which is why I waited a few weeks before posting them, to give me time to make sure these were attainable.  The good news: I’m on my way to accomplishing a few already!

1. Focus on me more: Sign up for a dance class or two, try Bikram yoga, create a sustainable workout routine and be more conscious about healthy eating decisions. 

I signed up for a full five week Intermediate Hip Hop dance class.  Few know that I used to perform and miss it a lot.  It’s one of the things in my life that work every single part of my being and I leave incredibly happy, excited for the next class.   I also signed up for a Bikram Yoga class next week (see post in Rants or Raves – who wants to take a bet on which one it will end up being?).  If all goes well, I’ll be signing up for a class package.  If not, I’m going to continue the hunt for a yoga studio in Vienna.  I’ve also added into my schedule a different type  of workout everyday – the days I’m not taking a class, I might be doing free weights or resistance bands.  Bottom line: There’s no excuse to take an hour out of my day for me.

1A. Downtime is a MUST – it’s OKAY to veg on the couch on weekends

 My boyfriend is a wise man and for his own reasons, he makes sure to relax when he comes home and on weekends as well.  It’s something that was foreign to me for a long time and now, I’ve learned to enjoy it.  Case in point: New Year’s weekend was spent on the couch, napping and watching football.  No, not every evening and EVERY weekend will be spent this way – it’s just important to allow it to happen. I’m definitely embracing it

2. Schedule everything that needs to be done and make sure that schedule is in ONE PLACE!

All too often I will over-commit or will push aside the aforementioned “me time”, which is important, in order to maintain a sense of balance.  If I can’t fit it in, it’s okay to say “no”.  Thus, my schedule is now a rainbow of colors and it’s all in ONE CALENDAR – my work one.  If there’s an appt. on there I don’t feel work needs to be a part of, it’s locked and marked “private” but it at least allows everyone to see when I’m busy in the evenings, thus giving me control over my schedule and my life.  So far, success!

3. Accomplish one major thing this year that I have been putting off.

This list includes four websites, a book outline/writing the first book in the series, start a professional blog on marketing and innovation, and resurrecting Conversa Group to fit my current bandwidth.

4. Continuing my education in my field(s).

Nope, I’m not going back to school (see all aforementioned resolutions).  Instead, read a book a month in marketing and/or innovation.

5. Giving back more to those charities of my choice

In Washington, DC, there are a TON of charities to choose from and at times, people feel they are spread a little thin, in contributing to everyone’s interests.  Thus, I’ve decided to take a look at those interests that mean the most to me: military, dogs (pets), Celiac Disease and (by association) brain injuries.  While every charity deserves attention (and I will be happy to support my friends’ endeavors when I can), these are my focuses, starting with Luke’s Wings Fashion Takes Flight on February 4th.

6. Making sure those closest to me know they are appreciated

2011 brought too many changes, too many headaches and a lot of chaos.  Thus, I missed out on a lot of birthdays, engagements, baby showers and the like.  My friends mean the world to me and they will all hopefully know it

What are some of your resolutions this year?

Just like most other decisions this year, I played “hokey pokey” on whether or not I would write an end-of-year Christmas letter, telling the dramatic (and in some cases, over-dramatic, yet funny) tale of my personal 2011.  After reading Christmas letters from several of you, I decided to cave and combine this into a self-reflecting-where-will-2012-take-me kind of post, where those that read it will either be amused, slightly amused or completely and utterly bored from lack of fascination and/or thirst for dramatic highs and lows (or you follow me too much on Facebook).

To answer everyone’s major question on their mind, “Where has she been, over the last two months?”  Answer: Hunkered down at home, working away, as well as spending time with the last man I’m pretty sure I will ever date.  This is coupled with the desire to figure out what my major accomplishments would/should be for 2012 (professionally speaking, as personally, well, I’ve learned my lesson – those things are released only in snippets (if they are at all) because my personal life has become much more sacred to me.  Okay, well minus what gets delivered in this post.)

As most of you know, I spent the bulk of my year running my marketing consulting company, Conversa Group.  I’d link to the website but somewhere between July and August, I magically clicked the wrong button on WordPress and I’ve still been unable to access it.  I took it as a sign that maybe this needed to be put on the back burner because while I had some great successes, my client base happened to be government technology defense contractors and well, if you ever want to see a small business snow ball effect when the government makes cuts, I’m living proof.  Thus, by August, I began my search for full-time employment, while working with smaller clients and partners in the mean time.  Two months later, and I was on a flight to Pleasanton, CA to start a fantastic role at a four year-old start-up in Silicon Valley, allowing me to do a little bit of everything: helping customers, project management, marketing consulting, content development and Microsoft relations.  It is a dream role for someone like me and so far, I absolutely love it.  This was just the springboard of better things to come.  Still, I couldn’t fully appreciate where I ended up without stepping back a little bit further.

You see, I was never the one to have made the best decisions in my love life (except for as of late, which may or may not get touched on), or at least make the best decisions in hind sight.  Yes, the word “engagement” had been thrown out there.  Yes, it looked as though I was moving to San Diego for this relationship and yes, it failed.  This “failure” was due in part to the fact that the word “forced” and the phrase “divorce in two years” were quickly becoming over-used in the last conversations that were had and thus, all of the packing and selling of my life were in vain.  As of September 1st, with no new contracts coming in and no place to live, I turned to two of the most loving and supportive people I know: My mom and her husband – my temporary roommates.  It was with their patience that I was able to sort out the biggest, knotted ball of yarn one would have to unravel.  Instead of being the normally impatient person I am, I decided that my best course of action was to take it slow and figure it out.  This led me to take some time for me – to see some things in this world and possibly gain a new perspective.  And so, I traveled – a lot.  And as it turns out, it became a recurring theme when I took my new job.  From August on, I traveled to (links are to the actual posts – Belgium also has ones for Mons and Brussels): San Diego, Cancun, Belgium, San Francisco, Cincinnati, Amelia Island, FL and Akron, OH.  (This doesn’t include the trips I took to Lewes, DE or Charleston earlier in the year).  It not only put the travel bug back in me but gave me a renewed sense of being responsible for only me, conquering the whole traveling alone thing (side note: Taking BART from Pleasanton to San Francisco and back – especially after a Raiders game has let out could be one of my proudest traveling-alone-accomplishments ever, something I will never do again).

Once  the travel, work (and the paychecks) were under my belt – this little bird flew the nest not just once but twice (which does not include the two other times I attempted to “fly” across the country).  It’s weird.  I normally am one to want to settle into a location, making a house a home (which includes me eager to throw dinner parties, girl parties or really any type of event that includes the word “party”).  But for some reason, I was hesitant and even (gasp) non-committal about my living locale for almost four months.  I was used to living out of a suitcase and boxes – something that would have been foreign to me, just months prior.  But as I’ve learned – time is the answer to all things and as it turns out, that’s all I needed to get myself sorted out and comfortable… in a place I never thought I’d ever want to live – the suburbs of McLean.  Yes, not only did I choose a location far enough away that makes you appreciate going into DC that much more, I also felt more “grown up” for being in a “responsible” part of town (i.e. there is not enough in this area to really get into “trouble” with).  To add “adult-like” behavior to this growing list of “reasons Nichole seems to be maturing”: I traded in the other love of my life: My car.  I loved my Mercedes – we had some great times together (top down on beautiful days, road trips, etc.).  But it being five years old and me owning it for three of those, it seemed to show signs that it was getting to be on its last wheel.  Thus, I’m now the proud owner of a brand new Infiniti G37x.  Sure, this one has a back seat, the roof is securely attached (no more convertible) and it’s probably safer but it’s darn near the fastest car I’ve ever owned and thus, helps me relinquish that little piece of me that isn’t completely ready to grow up.

Still, not everything that came out of 2011 was bad, life-changing or “huge”.  I made some wonderful friends, attended some wonderful events and even had some great opportunities to showcase my hobby: writing.  While the rest of this post will come in the form of a picture montage (some highlights are shown), it should be noted that I was honored to be given a weekly online fashion post for Washington Life Magazine (back postings can be found at the link to the left).  This is in addition to being given the opportunity to talk about my blog (which is now well over 100,000 hits) on daytime TV. It is with these opportunities that I’m able to dive into the next phase (2012) of my life – turning my writing and marketing skill sets into something of use for the greater masses.  This includes four websites being built, a novel series, a re-launch of my company (I wouldn’t be running day-to-day operations but I’m not ready to let this die) and continuing to grow and enhance this blog.

And now… for the picture montage of the last year – enjoy and Happy New Year!

You hear the word “registry” and you think marriage or baby.  This year, I thought Christmas.  Okay, so I didn’t actually put together a registry for myself but it sure did look like one.  For the third year running, I’m giving you all a peek into my Christmas gifts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love Christmas.  I love spending time celebrating with great friends and family.  I love the smells, the lights, the decor, the food – all of it.  Ever since I was a kid, I always found it to be one of the most magical times of year. I’m usually the first one to finish my shopping, eager to wrap my presents in chic paper and bows, excited to see the looks on everyone’s faces when they open them.  I’m usually the first one to get my tree up, right after Santa makes his appearance on the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade.  I usually throw a holiday dinner party and attend as many parties as I can.  For me, the entire month of December is one big gigantic mound of fun.

This year, I’ve barely noticed that it’s even December.  We’re one week away from my favorite time of year (yes, I include Christmas Eve in this) and I have yet to think about sending holiday cards (it’s getting pushed to New Year’s), or even write a holiday blog post.  My only Christmas decor are a bunch of candy canes in a champagne glass because I needed a place to put them.  I just finished my Christmas shopping today (okay, my other half finished it for me) and I haven’t attended but maybe two holiday parties.  So… what the heck is going on?

I would LOVE to blame my 5-week disappearance on the other half that brings more joy into my life than all other boyfriends combined (sorry fellas) but sadly, I can’t even use him as an excuse.  Since Thanksgiving, I’ve moved… TWICE.  During my second move, my finger-like toes used this as an excuse to meet the granite door jam at the bottom of my bathroom door and just like that, SNAP.  Yep – broken toe.  This meant two weeks without heels (or any shoe for that matter) and minimal walking, while wearing this beautiful cloth cast the size of miniature baseball bat.  And that’s okay because there was a mound of work to take care of (I love my job so that is definitely not a complaint).

I wish it stopped there… (I also wished that while searching for funny broken toe cartoon images, I didn’t see so many pictures of females with their broken toes, but then again, I’m glad I’m not alone in being a klutz.)

Then there’s the other love of my life – my beautiful five year-old Mercedes and the boat load of expensive issues it was causing me.  She and I had some great times together – jamming out to music with the top down, a roadtrip to Charleston, a roadtrip to Delaware and countless jaunts down the highway, simply because I loved to drive her.

$5000 dumped in 12 months and just like that, we broke up.  Insert Superboyfriend to the rescue.  He pre-negotiated a new car for me (blog post on that coming soon) so all I had to do was pick the color and sign the paper work.  Okay… so that wasn’t really a reason for me to be M.I.A. but it has been a distraction because all I want to do is drive it and shirk any other responsibilities in the mean time.

Back on point though and with all major events covered, my life has felt more chaotic than ever and I hear I’m not alone.  More than once, I’ve heard a female friend of mine say, “Is it bad that I just want the holidays to be OVER?!”  The answer is no.  It seems more and more of us are piling on too much stuff – we have a ton of projects with good intentions on finishing them but then “life” (i.e. holiday rituals) gets in the way and that’s it.  It’s what New Year’s resolutions are for (the one that tops my list is to not schedule massive life events from Thanksgiving, on).

So the above doesn’t seem like a lot?  Here’s a rundown of what is in store for early 2012:

• Luke’s Wings fashion show on February 4th (don’t miss it!)
• Developing a plan for this blog – include visual overhaul
• Developing my personal site (nicholedevolites.com)
• Developing a personal plan for myself – what do I want to focus on for 2012 – what are my goals?)
• Redeveloping Conversa Group (yes, I know the site is down – and for good reason – I click on one button and it all disappeared)
• Finishing that darn book outline so I can start shopping a proposal around
• Planning out a few trips to take

If anyone knows how to clone effectively, let me know.

I just posted a blog post on “Escaping Your 20s Without Getting Married”.  In it, I stated that I am not the model person on giving relationship advice of any sort, as I tend to take an “avant-garde” approach to that part of my life.  Still, some interesting conversations about this topic with some close friends this past weekend proved that we all feel the same thing, only most are afraid to follow through with our beliefs.

Yes, I have posted about past relationships.  Yes, I have put a lot of my life out there for people to hear.  Yes, I tend to jump the gun on certain things because I believe it when someone says something will happen.  It’s part of life.  The difference is how you handle the follow through or in some cases, the aftermath. Still, as our favorite band would say, “Don’t Stop Believing”.

Almost everyone in this town wants to be loved.  Some find it easier to just float through life moving onto the next thing, not the next BEST thing.  They feel invincible and they crave the excitement and the newness – they become a “passion junkie”.  By the time they figure out they want something real, something more – their reputation is on the decline and their chance at really working for something dwindles so they go back into repeat behaviors – I see this out of a lot of men in this town. It tends to make women so frustrated that they begin to give up hope, while secretly wishing, praying and hoping that someone better will come along that has yet to be jaded.

I also see a lot of people lie about who they are.  They do it to climb the proverbial social ladder, to try to be part of a power couple (or in some cases to get into that relationship to be taken care of) or to just be recognized as someone of importance.  In this instance, it’s scarier than watching The Exorcist because you have no idea if you are dating a sociopath until in most cases, it’s too late.  It tends to bring people back to the paragraph above because it’s easier than getting your emotions played with or your heart broken.

Still, for all this dating craziness in this town, I’ve managed to escape dating these types, mainly by observing what I don’t want to date.  Yes, in hindsight, most of my relationships weren’t what others would expect.  Still,  I’ve learned that keeping a positive attitude, even when things happen (which can make for embarrassing chatter), and having the confidence to stand up for what you know makes you happy and what you know you deserve, makes all the difference in the world.

The conversation I had with my friends centered around how to break out of the norm of this town and what we see time and again.  They asked me how I continue to pick myself back up and move on.  Simple.  I stopped caring what people think because I have realized I can’t control what was (and is) said.  In addition, things happen for a reason – and it’s usually a good one.  If your relationship pace is to throw caution to the wind, fine.  Go with it.  It might lead to something great (like it has for me).   If it’s to take things slow and observe, great -  there are other people out there exactly like you who want to grow into something great.  No one opinion is right.  But the point is, you must do what is right for you.  Don’t be scared about what other people think because it’s true what they say – those that care will stick by you and support you and those that talk have nothing else to do.

 

 

Writer’s Note: Proof that life changes at a rapid pace and I’ve learned to “roll with the punches”, as my dad used to say…  The opportunity that was presented fell through.  Thus, it looks as though I will be in DC for at least another year.  While some would like me to just “make up my mind”, note that each time I tried, something rather important got in the way (a break-up, a failed offer letter and a failed work opportunity).  Sure, I’ve told more than one person I “wasn’t sure” about this move but when you think about it, it’s a huge life-changing, expensive decision and if I save myself from making a costly mistake, I’m happy to be the “girl who cried wolf”.

Quite honestly, I’m relieved to be one step closer to committing to something, aka a place to call “home”.  In fact, I’m committed to finding my “home” before the first next snowfall so if I’m trapped, at least I’m trapped by the metro, a grocery store, at least one Starbucks and a ton of friends.   The positive way to look at this: There’s no more goodbye, only hello… something I’m much better at saying anyway.

 

We all know that the directions in this song help formulate a dance that cause people to move limbs, as though they can’t make up their minds on whether they should be “in” or “out”.  This dance is all too familiar for me – I’ve been mentally doing it since August.

As most of you have been following through some of these blog posts, I’ve had a hard time making up my mind on staying in DC or moving back out west.  Well, three months later and my mind is still going back and forth on whether or not it’s a good idea.  Why?  For once in my life, I have no obligations that tie me to a locale: my job is flexible on location (I work from home), I have no lease and no mortgage.  So what is the issue?

I’ve made a life out in DC, have made some wonderful friendships and have plenty of opportunities to do really cool things.  BUT (yes there is a but), there is this nagging desire to be somewhere different – even if only for a little while – a chance to get my bearings and figure out my new working life, all while not being tied to a year-long lease, requiring a commitment I don’t want.  Well, today an opportunity (an excuse) finally fell into my lap and I’m taking it.  Starting November 30th, and for the next month, I’m going to be living/working/playing in one of the greatest places on earth.  Stay tuned to see which coast I end up on in 2012…

For those that know me, a Facebook invite is going out to celebrate!

 

As I have said a zillion times before, this blog was never really put out there with a public goal in mind.  I never really tried to market it outward.  I started this blog as a means to communicate with a vast amount of friends and family all over the world.  Over time, it grew into something more – something people felt was worthwhile to read and follow – and even talk about on TV!  It’s because of each of you that I’ve gotten to this milestone today.

As always, I continue to reinvent myself and this blog.  Keep checking back for new and exciting stuff because it’s always right around the corner and you just never know what’s coming next!

And of course, THANK YOU!

One of my very first work assigments was to go onto this site: http://www.animalinyou.com and take the quiz that shows you what animal you most relate to.  I LOVED my result, which I will be presenting to the team next Tuesday.  See what I got for mine below.

Genus and Species:

Amblonyx cinerea

Collective Term:

A prank of otters

Careers and Hobbies

Engineering
Pro Sport
Medical
Design
Computers
Mathematics
Surfing the Web
Swimming
Cuddling
Reading

Famous
Otters

Leonardo DiCaprio
Meg Ryan
Jennifer Aniston
Goldi Hawn

Otters are petite, engaging creatures overflowing with positive energy. Intelligent and bright, they are also popular, eminently lovable and display
the highly developed social skills that typify the small carnivores. Otters mix easily with a wide range of animal personalities.

Lazy? Let’s just say easily distracted. Life has so many diversions for the otter that it’s impossible to predict how it will fill its day. But when an otter gets focused on a problem, its keen intelligence rises to the challenge and it will not give up until the nut is cracked.

Otters feel entitled to the good things in life and a general sense of well-being gives them the confidence to not have to save for the future. A lover who wants to impress an otter should know that otters love to eat out and have a predictable penchant for sushi.

Although intelligent and witty, otters have a tendency to suffer from self-doubt and fear of failure can prevent them from living up to their true
potential. Still, they are a great problem solvers, with the ability to spend endless hours on abstract or practical challenges. As workers, they are
dedicated and capable and always eager for a chance to prove themselves.

Their determination makes otters valuable employees, and although they often feel that their contributions are undervalued they would rather accept lower pay than risk confrontations in their workplace.

Although they are fine motivators otters avoid taking leadership roles, performing better in group situations with their social skills coming in handy when counseling coworkers through their problems. Their dexterous hands are useful in a wide range of careers, and they’re ideally suited for work in engineering, advertising, and design.

Yesterday on MSNBC, an interesting article was released about layaway programs coming back “en vogue” for the holidays.  It’s a program that most “big box” stores abandoned in the late 90′s/early 2000′s when offering credit cards proved more profitable.  Now that most consumers are defaulting, and holding companies are eating the cost, stores are revisiting this program but adding some modifications.

Places like Walmart, Sears, Kmart, Toys R’ Us and Best Buy each have their own terms and conditions, such as the purchase must be X amount before you qualify, if you default after 7 days you will lose your purchase or you must put x% down in order to secure.  It’s a smart idea, especially when we’re in such a credit crisis.  As quoted in the article, “It may be a quaint idea, but it demonstrates more responsibility in sticking to a budget when you play the layaway game,” said Tod Marks, a senior editor at Consumer Reports.”

So why only these types of stores?  For one, pricier items at higher-end stores take longer to pay down, resulting in product not being moved in higher volumes (this does not mean there are not pricier stores participating); two, the perception in the market place is that the mid-to-lower income consumers shop at these kinds of stores and also happen to be the ones amassing the highest amount of debt, collectively; and three, these stores push so much volume as-is that layaway is just a fraction of their revenue.

The History

The history of the layaway program is interesting.  According to the jointventurejewelry.com blog, “Layaway is not a new idea, in fact, it was introduced to society around the 19^th century as a popular way for retailers to sell products to customers who do not have the cash on hand to purchase it outright. With a small down payment, followed by a series of payments, the customer could get their product over a period of time. Layaway peaked in popularity during the Great Depression when unemployment rates were high and disposable income was severely low.”

If you do a search on layaway history, you will see that since 2008, stores have been pulling this program “out of storage” for the holidays to help encourage people to spend.

So would you participate?

The layaway program is genius – it keeps people from amassing debt, teaches them about responsible spending and keeps companies running in the black (for the most part).  The question is, would you actively participate in this program?  According to some polled, they would not – even if it meant keeping themselves from amassing more debt.  Why?  Very few stores are doing online layaways, which means you are going to the store, filling out an application and actively having a discussion on the program.  This can be a pride-hurting, ego-deflating process.  Those polled feel that personal debt is more privately controlled than walking in and having a conversation about how you can’t afford something with a stranger.  It’s an interesting perspective.  However, in economic times, such as this, where coupon clipping has become chic, why not lose the APR fees and spend less on that item that you really want?  Sure, it might be delayed gratification but you may thank yourself later.

It’s almost ironic to write this post at 32,000 feet with the plane moving around 500 MPH.  At any given time, this is the speed and altitude at which I seem move.  My life moves fast (cue Ferris Bueller).  There is never a dull moment.  Ever.  Where I’m headed to at this moment is something I didn’t anticipate even a month ago.  It shows you just how much changes in my life on a daily basis – something I wouldn’t trade for the world.

A few months ago, I wrote a rather introspective post on the dramatic changes in my life.  I was convinced that the answer to my life at the time was to move back out west – to live a less stressful life in a place that allowed me to be a bit more “free” – a place that I had nothing but happy memories from.  That was mid-August.

By late August, I had traveled to Cancun, had an interview with a company in Silicon Valley, packed up my old apartment to move back to my parents’ (temporarily) and was re-packed to head to Belgium.

By mid-September, I had traveled to Europe, had a second interview, and in one night at a party, reversed my decision to move to San Diego.  (Yes, this woman can’t seem to make up her mind on a permanent living location.)  So what happened? (A question I get often.)  I met new people.  Yes, it’s funny that it’s that simple.  Thanks to two great female friends (one that brought me to the party and one that introduced me to some really great new friends), I had decided that D.C. wasn’t so bad after all.  So there you have it, I was convinced to stay and step one (figuring out what coast I wanted to live on) was complete.  Step 2a was to figure out what direction I wanted my career to go in.  Step 2b was to get back into socializing and step 2c was what I wanted my “side focuses” to be (aka side projects).

By the end of September, I had a third interview,  attended dozens of lunches, brunches, dinners, events and even a date or two; was turned down for the job (cue deep disappointment) and then in a string of great luck, the decision was reversed (glee) – step 2a and 2b complete (well, 2b never actually ends).

It’s now mid-October and I’ve finally learned the meaning of patience (as much as I can anyway) and how much it pays off.  I’ve learned that not everything has to move at the speed of light and that some things are best enjoyed at a slower pace (yes, that can exist in DC). Finally, I’ve learned that surrounding yourself with positive, driven people can only help you achieve a higher sense of self and motivation.

As I fly to Silicon Valley to start the next chapter in my career, it’s amazing to reflect back on how a potentially awful situation turned out to be a huge blessing in disguise – both personally and professionally.  I’m very blessed.

What about step 2c?  In the interim, I am putting Conversa Group and my book writing on pause.  I will continue to write for Washington Life (my creative outlet), will continue to work with Luke’s Wings as much as I can and have a fun side project that will kick off by early December (details soon).

To all of those in my life who have provided me the encouragement and positive attitude, as well as extremely awesome listening skills (you know who you are), THANK YOU!