The Reinvention of Me: What Comes Next

My other half and I are usually vomit-worthy.  It’s that kind of relationship where when the mood strikes us (more often than not), we will surprise the other with little gifts, notes or kind gestures.  This past weekend, we traded gifts that signified just a little bit more than a “just because” – something that could serve as an everyday reminder that what we have is far different than anything we have had previously and that we are both vested in this relationship, as well as each other.

Jason Mraz‘s new song “I Won’t Give Up” is played on repeat in our home.  He also happens to be my boyfriend’s favorite artist.  After doing some careful research and shopping around, I was able to snag this for him:

What he gave to me… well, I was speechless (which is rare).  He knows my favorite designers are Michael Kors, Tory Burch, David Yurman…  (the list is long so I’ll stop there).  He said that he spent a lot of time, trying to find the perfect gift and something that hadn’t even been put on display yet, ended up being the perfect gift.

Yes, it’s David Yurman and I know how lucky I am.  In fact, I haven’t taken it off, since I got it.

Some might say it’s not the gift that matters.  You’re right – it’s not.  It’s the thought.  To us, these had a deeper meaning – each signifying something that is special to us only – something no one else would understand.

Regardless if you have the means to afford gifts, you should definitely always remember why you got into your relationship in the first place.  It’s important for the other to remember (even in little ways) how special they are to you.  Even little things like doing the dishes, making dinner, leaving a little handwritten note, make a huge difference in a relationship and go a long way towards more happiness and less frustration.  Because at the heart of every human being… we all just want to be appreciated.

 

Last year, for the first time, I participated in Luke’s Wings Fashion Takes Flight – a fundraising fashion show that included real members of the military, modeling the latest collections from Saks Fifth Avenue (Tysons Galleria), Aram, Ella Rue and more.   (Video below and recap can be found here.)

I also wrote about why this organization matters so much to not just me, but the soldiers and their families as well.

This year, we have even more reason to celebrate, as Luke’s Wings has hit some major milestones, not just making this an annual must-attend event, but also a celebration.  In the last year, Luke’s Wings has had some major accomplishments, including (but not limited to):

• Raising $32,000 at the 3rd annual Fashion Takes Flight
• Receiving a $300,000 grant
• Partnering with the Rumsfeld Organization
• Receiving a donation from Arnold Schwarzenegger
• Receiving countless donations and accolades from generous donors and sponsors for their tireless work
• Having brought hundreds of families and soldiers together

This is no longer just a local charity – it has gone national.  It has gained the interest of politicians, other military organizations, military leaders, government leaders and many many troops across the world.  While you may hear of some of the glitzier things, what you don’t see is the hard work the supporters of Luke’s Wings put in behind the scenes, including many trips to military hospitals, fundraising meetings, meet and greets, attending countless networking events, as well as making sure some of these soldiers are reconnected to their loved ones.

You see, it’s no longer about the “who’s who” in the DC social scene supporting a local charity -  it’s the “who’s who” in the national military, government and political scenes that are gaining traction – and fast.  Luke’s Wings is a fantastic “connector” that allows these two worlds to collide for a common goal: to make sure that those that are protecting our freedom are taken care of, giving us all an opportunity to thank them for allowing us to continue to live in a country where freedom is what we stand for.

As such, a veteran volunteer to the organization, Kristen Murdock (USNA), will be walking the runway her final time, before she heads back to Afghanistan for a year.  If for any reason to attend Fashion Takes Flight this year, give her a proper send off – thank her for her hard work, both in protecting us, as well as giving back to soldiers that are less fortunate.  Details below:

This Year’s Fashion Takes Flight (Official Press Release)

Luke’s Wings is pleased to announce its 4th annual runway fundraiser, Fashion Takes Flight, on February 4th, 2012 at Nationals Park! Join us for cocktails, and an exhibition of some of the District’s finest threads modeled by our servicemen and women as part of our fourth anniversary celebration and 2012 kick-off campaign.

With sweeping panoramic views of the stadium on one side and two story windows overlooking the river and monuments on the other, in the Stars and Stripes VIP Lounge, Luke’s Wings supporters will enjoy Peroni beer, specialty cocktails by Van Gogh Imports crafted specifically for Fashion Takes Flight and gourmet hors d’oeuvres. Come mix and mingle among DC’s most fashionable, in one of the most unique venues in our nation’s capital- Nationals Park! A private tour of the dugout and batting cages will also be available to all attendees.

Over the years, the popularity of Fashion Takes Flight has grown, as attendees watch models and military service men and women ‘take flight’ in a swank, high energy runway exhibition highlighting cutting edge fashion by some of the District’s freshest new talent. Philanthropists and fashionistas alike come together to support an organization that aims to assist the families of those who serve.

Special guests include Deejay Neekola and our fabulous MC Natasha Barrett! Amazing styling by PR@Partners, Megan Riddle Make-Up, Blend, and the runway collections of some of the best local runway talent DC has to offer, including Nam Nguyen and Walish Gooshe!

After an amazing evening of supporting our wounded warriors overlooking the baseball field from the Stars and Stripes VIP Lounge, you are invited to join us at Lincoln for an Americana After Party.

Event Hosted by: Charlotte Jarrett, Kristen Murdock, Nichole Devolites, Mackenzie Miles, Lindsay Kin and Fletcher Gill.

Event Details:
February 4, 2012
VIP Reception (includes reserved seating) 7:00 pm – 8:00 pm
Open Reception – 8:00 pm – 9:00 pm
Fashion Takes Flight – 9:00 pm – 11:00 pm
After Party at Lincoln – 11:00 pm – 2:00 am

Step Right Up, and get your tickets HERE

TICKETS:
VIP: $135
Includes:
·         VIP cocktail reception with event hosts, models, honored guests, government leadership, sponsors
·         Exclusive access to the VIP Lounge. Lounge includes private, heated balconies overlooking the baseball stadium
·         Reserved Seat for runway show
·         Gourmet fare
·         Passed Champagne
·         VIP gift bag
·         Free Parking
·         Invitation to our exclusive after-party at Lincoln

General Admission: $85
Includes:
·         Open bars
·         Gourmet fare
·         Access to fashion show
·         Free Parking
·         Invitation to our exclusive after-party at Lincoln

MEDIA NOTE: All media attendees who are interested in covering the event must register by Thursday, February 2, 2012.  Please register by emailing our Public Relations Director, Mackenzie Miles at publicrelations@lukeswings.org with your name, title, and publication.

In my Washington Life fashion post on January 12th, I mentioned Ace Hotel‘s partnership with Uslu Airlines, creating a nail color exclusively for the two.  Being the nail polish-loving female I am, I purchased it… along with a surprise for my boyfriend.  It turns out, Ace Hotel’s store is filled with unique and chic items for sale, including vintage guitar strings and guitar picks (something my boyfriend LOVES).  When they arrived last night, I was impressed by the packaging – recycled fabric, tied with recycled twine.  Check out the pics below:

From time to time, I get many questions about dating in DC – how I do it, how I manage to find relationships (when some people can’t find dates), and how I bounce back from a breakup so quickly.  I always hesitate on giving advice, mainly because everyone is different.  What works for you might not work for someone else.  I always  find it amusing when I get out of a relationship and the single people give me advice on being single and when I get into a new relationship, couples (who you can tell are seemingly not doing well because the happy ones only offer words of happiness for you) are giving you advice on dating.  Let me be clear before I continue on: This. Isn’t. My. First. Rodeo.  In a town full of hopeless romantics, disguised as cynics, let me be the first to say that none of us should be offering unsolicited advice, as we all have dated a lot, searching for something that may or may not really exist within the other person we’ve pinned our hopes on.  With that being said, since so many of you ask, here are my top 20 guidelines I’ve compiled from myself as well as others, of things that work for ME:

1. Like my grandmother always said, “Make sure you can talk to the other for hours because when you’re 80, that’s all you will have.”

2. A friend of mine (who will remain nameless) recently said, “If the first thing that comes out of your mouth about a new man is the amazing sex you are having, it’s not a relationship”.

3. Another girlfriend of mine had a REALLY great piece of advice that stuck, “He doesn’t have to go to church but he should believe in something.  It means he believes in something higher than himself.”

4. If you want someone who is attractive, in-shape, successful, etc., you, yourself, need to be that.  Don’t even think about committing in a relationship until you have achieved (a varying degree) of what you are looking for.  This ties to number 5.

5. Confidence is everything.  When you can carry/take care of yourself, it’s sexy to a man and much easier to enjoy a relationship BECAUSE….

6.  You don’t NEED a man, he’s a “nice to have”.

6b. But also remember… yes, there will be men/women hotter and YOUNGER than you, but there is a reason why your other half chose YOU – never forget that.

7. How to bounce back from an ended relationship – it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to need time to yourself or to not want to be alone for a BIT BUT….

8. DON’T DWELL!!!!!  Really, everything happens for a reason in this world and it usually means you are better off because you weren’t compatible enough to continue and that’s okay.  There are how many BILLIONS of people in this world?

9. Enjoy every single day of your life as much as you can – it’s important, no matter what, to establish who you are and STICK TO IT.  It’s okay to have girls’ nights while the other half does their thing – they had a life before you too.

9b. Don’t get mad at them for going out to a party, a bar or other social enclave.  Remember, if that is where they found you, it doesn’t mean they are out to replace you – they just want to have a good time. (See number 5 and number 10)

10. If you can’t accept the other person for who they are, then don’t try to change them – move on.  You need to ask yourself what is best for YOU.  Yes, this means you might be single again but so what?  (Refer to number 8 and “billions”.)

11. Relationships can be work – you WILL fight – accept it.  It doesn’t mean you love the person any less.

12. Timing and fate can be everything – I have the coolest story because of it and there’s no way I could have scripted it.  In other words, allow yourself to be open to the opportunities and the possibilities (The Year of Yes is a great book).

13. Feeling blue about a snag in a relationship?  Make sure to save old conversations and texts from the beginning of your relationship – it will reinvigorate you and remind you why they fell in love with you – I swear by this!

14. Don’t let society dictate how fast or slow you take a relationship – you only live once and if that means “living in the moment” while thinking about the future from time-to-time, do.  Some of the greatest experiences I’ve had, had nothing to do with timing.

15. Don’t nag the other person.  Before you fly off the handle, ask yourself if it’s really that important.  Has it been bothering you longer than a few days?  If so, find an appropriate time to discuss – usually not the minute the other person comes home from work, is tired or hasn’t been fed

16. Don’t continue to date in the social circle you are in.  One word for that – REPUTATION.  This will decline the more you date in the group.  If it seems “hard”…

17. Don’t limit yourself to what you know… opportunities are everywhere.  It’s keeping your eyes open, engaging in conversation – even if they are just a friend for a few years first, which means….

18. Not everyone you meet is going to be boyfriend/girlfriend material, nor is everyone you meet “the one” because…

19. This isn’t the movies, so stop acting as if  that is what you are in.  This often makes me wonder…

20. What is your first thought when you wake up in the morning?  If it’s negative, think of three different ways to change that and then pick one.  Because you only have you for the rest of your life.

Again, these are things that have helped me.  The truth is, there are things that fell into place that I can’t even put a guideline around.  When you meet the right person, your whole world changes and it isn’t scary – it’s exciting – exhilarating even.  Nothing is forced and nothing is dramatic – it’s easy. But above anything else, listen to yourself and your gut.  Everyone has an opinion but not everyone is right – don’t be afraid to be judged – embrace it.

 

Good luck!

Every year, I go back and forth on whether or not I want to create a set of resolutions I may or may not follow.  In the past, I’ve called them “wishes” or “goals”  as “resolving” to do something sounds too committal and too serious.  However, my boyfriend has inspired me to think about actual resolutions and after hearing some of his, I’ve decided to create some of my own.  BUT, sticking with them is a whole other story, which is why I waited a few weeks before posting them, to give me time to make sure these were attainable.  The good news: I’m on my way to accomplishing a few already!

1. Focus on me more: Sign up for a dance class or two, try Bikram yoga, create a sustainable workout routine and be more conscious about healthy eating decisions. 

I signed up for a full five week Intermediate Hip Hop dance class.  Few know that I used to perform and miss it a lot.  It’s one of the things in my life that work every single part of my being and I leave incredibly happy, excited for the next class.   I also signed up for a Bikram Yoga class next week (see post in Rants or Raves – who wants to take a bet on which one it will end up being?).  If all goes well, I’ll be signing up for a class package.  If not, I’m going to continue the hunt for a yoga studio in Vienna.  I’ve also added into my schedule a different type  of workout everyday – the days I’m not taking a class, I might be doing free weights or resistance bands.  Bottom line: There’s no excuse to take an hour out of my day for me.

1A. Downtime is a MUST – it’s OKAY to veg on the couch on weekends

 My boyfriend is a wise man and for his own reasons, he makes sure to relax when he comes home and on weekends as well.  It’s something that was foreign to me for a long time and now, I’ve learned to enjoy it.  Case in point: New Year’s weekend was spent on the couch, napping and watching football.  No, not every evening and EVERY weekend will be spent this way – it’s just important to allow it to happen. I’m definitely embracing it

2. Schedule everything that needs to be done and make sure that schedule is in ONE PLACE!

All too often I will over-commit or will push aside the aforementioned “me time”, which is important, in order to maintain a sense of balance.  If I can’t fit it in, it’s okay to say “no”.  Thus, my schedule is now a rainbow of colors and it’s all in ONE CALENDAR – my work one.  If there’s an appt. on there I don’t feel work needs to be a part of, it’s locked and marked “private” but it at least allows everyone to see when I’m busy in the evenings, thus giving me control over my schedule and my life.  So far, success!

3. Accomplish one major thing this year that I have been putting off.

This list includes four websites, a book outline/writing the first book in the series, start a professional blog on marketing and innovation, and resurrecting Conversa Group to fit my current bandwidth.

4. Continuing my education in my field(s).

Nope, I’m not going back to school (see all aforementioned resolutions).  Instead, read a book a month in marketing and/or innovation.

5. Giving back more to those charities of my choice

In Washington, DC, there are a TON of charities to choose from and at times, people feel they are spread a little thin, in contributing to everyone’s interests.  Thus, I’ve decided to take a look at those interests that mean the most to me: military, dogs (pets), Celiac Disease and (by association) brain injuries.  While every charity deserves attention (and I will be happy to support my friends’ endeavors when I can), these are my focuses, starting with Luke’s Wings Fashion Takes Flight on February 4th.

6. Making sure those closest to me know they are appreciated

2011 brought too many changes, too many headaches and a lot of chaos.  Thus, I missed out on a lot of birthdays, engagements, baby showers and the like.  My friends mean the world to me and they will all hopefully know it

What are some of your resolutions this year?

Just like most other decisions this year, I played “hokey pokey” on whether or not I would write an end-of-year Christmas letter, telling the dramatic (and in some cases, over-dramatic, yet funny) tale of my personal 2011.  After reading Christmas letters from several of you, I decided to cave and combine this into a self-reflecting-where-will-2012-take-me kind of post, where those that read it will either be amused, slightly amused or completely and utterly bored from lack of fascination and/or thirst for dramatic highs and lows (or you follow me too much on Facebook).

To answer everyone’s major question on their mind, “Where has she been, over the last two months?”  Answer: Hunkered down at home, working away, as well as spending time with the last man I’m pretty sure I will ever date.  This is coupled with the desire to figure out what my major accomplishments would/should be for 2012 (professionally speaking, as personally, well, I’ve learned my lesson – those things are released only in snippets (if they are at all) because my personal life has become much more sacred to me.  Okay, well minus what gets delivered in this post.)

As most of you know, I spent the bulk of my year running my marketing consulting company, Conversa Group.  I’d link to the website but somewhere between July and August, I magically clicked the wrong button on WordPress and I’ve still been unable to access it.  I took it as a sign that maybe this needed to be put on the back burner because while I had some great successes, my client base happened to be government technology defense contractors and well, if you ever want to see a small business snow ball effect when the government makes cuts, I’m living proof.  Thus, by August, I began my search for full-time employment, while working with smaller clients and partners in the mean time.  Two months later, and I was on a flight to Pleasanton, CA to start a fantastic role at a four year-old start-up in Silicon Valley, allowing me to do a little bit of everything: helping customers, project management, marketing consulting, content development and Microsoft relations.  It is a dream role for someone like me and so far, I absolutely love it.  This was just the springboard of better things to come.  Still, I couldn’t fully appreciate where I ended up without stepping back a little bit further.

You see, I was never the one to have made the best decisions in my love life (except for as of late, which may or may not get touched on), or at least make the best decisions in hind sight.  Yes, the word “engagement” had been thrown out there.  Yes, it looked as though I was moving to San Diego for this relationship and yes, it failed.  This “failure” was due in part to the fact that the word “forced” and the phrase “divorce in two years” were quickly becoming over-used in the last conversations that were had and thus, all of the packing and selling of my life were in vain.  As of September 1st, with no new contracts coming in and no place to live, I turned to two of the most loving and supportive people I know: My mom and her husband – my temporary roommates.  It was with their patience that I was able to sort out the biggest, knotted ball of yarn one would have to unravel.  Instead of being the normally impatient person I am, I decided that my best course of action was to take it slow and figure it out.  This led me to take some time for me – to see some things in this world and possibly gain a new perspective.  And so, I traveled – a lot.  And as it turns out, it became a recurring theme when I took my new job.  From August on, I traveled to (links are to the actual posts – Belgium also has ones for Mons and Brussels): San Diego, Cancun, Belgium, San Francisco, Cincinnati, Amelia Island, FL and Akron, OH.  (This doesn’t include the trips I took to Lewes, DE or Charleston earlier in the year).  It not only put the travel bug back in me but gave me a renewed sense of being responsible for only me, conquering the whole traveling alone thing (side note: Taking BART from Pleasanton to San Francisco and back – especially after a Raiders game has let out could be one of my proudest traveling-alone-accomplishments ever, something I will never do again).

Once  the travel, work (and the paychecks) were under my belt – this little bird flew the nest not just once but twice (which does not include the two other times I attempted to “fly” across the country).  It’s weird.  I normally am one to want to settle into a location, making a house a home (which includes me eager to throw dinner parties, girl parties or really any type of event that includes the word “party”).  But for some reason, I was hesitant and even (gasp) non-committal about my living locale for almost four months.  I was used to living out of a suitcase and boxes – something that would have been foreign to me, just months prior.  But as I’ve learned – time is the answer to all things and as it turns out, that’s all I needed to get myself sorted out and comfortable… in a place I never thought I’d ever want to live – the suburbs of McLean.  Yes, not only did I choose a location far enough away that makes you appreciate going into DC that much more, I also felt more “grown up” for being in a “responsible” part of town (i.e. there is not enough in this area to really get into “trouble” with).  To add “adult-like” behavior to this growing list of “reasons Nichole seems to be maturing”: I traded in the other love of my life: My car.  I loved my Mercedes – we had some great times together (top down on beautiful days, road trips, etc.).  But it being five years old and me owning it for three of those, it seemed to show signs that it was getting to be on its last wheel.  Thus, I’m now the proud owner of a brand new Infiniti G37x.  Sure, this one has a back seat, the roof is securely attached (no more convertible) and it’s probably safer but it’s darn near the fastest car I’ve ever owned and thus, helps me relinquish that little piece of me that isn’t completely ready to grow up.

Still, not everything that came out of 2011 was bad, life-changing or “huge”.  I made some wonderful friends, attended some wonderful events and even had some great opportunities to showcase my hobby: writing.  While the rest of this post will come in the form of a picture montage (some highlights are shown), it should be noted that I was honored to be given a weekly online fashion post for Washington Life Magazine (back postings can be found at the link to the left).  This is in addition to being given the opportunity to talk about my blog (which is now well over 100,000 hits) on daytime TV. It is with these opportunities that I’m able to dive into the next phase (2012) of my life – turning my writing and marketing skill sets into something of use for the greater masses.  This includes four websites being built, a novel series, a re-launch of my company (I wouldn’t be running day-to-day operations but I’m not ready to let this die) and continuing to grow and enhance this blog.

And now… for the picture montage of the last year – enjoy and Happy New Year!

You hear the word “registry” and you think marriage or baby.  This year, I thought Christmas.  Okay, so I didn’t actually put together a registry for myself but it sure did look like one.  For the third year running, I’m giving you all a peek into my Christmas gifts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love Christmas.  I love spending time celebrating with great friends and family.  I love the smells, the lights, the decor, the food – all of it.  Ever since I was a kid, I always found it to be one of the most magical times of year. I’m usually the first one to finish my shopping, eager to wrap my presents in chic paper and bows, excited to see the looks on everyone’s faces when they open them.  I’m usually the first one to get my tree up, right after Santa makes his appearance on the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade.  I usually throw a holiday dinner party and attend as many parties as I can.  For me, the entire month of December is one big gigantic mound of fun.

This year, I’ve barely noticed that it’s even December.  We’re one week away from my favorite time of year (yes, I include Christmas Eve in this) and I have yet to think about sending holiday cards (it’s getting pushed to New Year’s), or even write a holiday blog post.  My only Christmas decor are a bunch of candy canes in a champagne glass because I needed a place to put them.  I just finished my Christmas shopping today (okay, my other half finished it for me) and I haven’t attended but maybe two holiday parties.  So… what the heck is going on?

I would LOVE to blame my 5-week disappearance on the other half that brings more joy into my life than all other boyfriends combined (sorry fellas) but sadly, I can’t even use him as an excuse.  Since Thanksgiving, I’ve moved… TWICE.  During my second move, my finger-like toes used this as an excuse to meet the granite door jam at the bottom of my bathroom door and just like that, SNAP.  Yep – broken toe.  This meant two weeks without heels (or any shoe for that matter) and minimal walking, while wearing this beautiful cloth cast the size of miniature baseball bat.  And that’s okay because there was a mound of work to take care of (I love my job so that is definitely not a complaint).

I wish it stopped there… (I also wished that while searching for funny broken toe cartoon images, I didn’t see so many pictures of females with their broken toes, but then again, I’m glad I’m not alone in being a klutz.)

Then there’s the other love of my life – my beautiful five year-old Mercedes and the boat load of expensive issues it was causing me.  She and I had some great times together – jamming out to music with the top down, a roadtrip to Charleston, a roadtrip to Delaware and countless jaunts down the highway, simply because I loved to drive her.

$5000 dumped in 12 months and just like that, we broke up.  Insert Superboyfriend to the rescue.  He pre-negotiated a new car for me (blog post on that coming soon) so all I had to do was pick the color and sign the paper work.  Okay… so that wasn’t really a reason for me to be M.I.A. but it has been a distraction because all I want to do is drive it and shirk any other responsibilities in the mean time.

Back on point though and with all major events covered, my life has felt more chaotic than ever and I hear I’m not alone.  More than once, I’ve heard a female friend of mine say, “Is it bad that I just want the holidays to be OVER?!”  The answer is no.  It seems more and more of us are piling on too much stuff – we have a ton of projects with good intentions on finishing them but then “life” (i.e. holiday rituals) gets in the way and that’s it.  It’s what New Year’s resolutions are for (the one that tops my list is to not schedule massive life events from Thanksgiving, on).

So the above doesn’t seem like a lot?  Here’s a rundown of what is in store for early 2012:

• Luke’s Wings fashion show on February 4th (don’t miss it!)
• Developing a plan for this blog – include visual overhaul
• Developing my personal site (nicholedevolites.com)
• Developing a personal plan for myself – what do I want to focus on for 2012 – what are my goals?)
• Redeveloping Conversa Group (yes, I know the site is down – and for good reason – I click on one button and it all disappeared)
• Finishing that darn book outline so I can start shopping a proposal around
• Planning out a few trips to take

If anyone knows how to clone effectively, let me know.

I just posted a blog post on “Escaping Your 20s Without Getting Married”.  In it, I stated that I am not the model person on giving relationship advice of any sort, as I tend to take an “avant-garde” approach to that part of my life.  Still, some interesting conversations about this topic with some close friends this past weekend proved that we all feel the same thing, only most are afraid to follow through with our beliefs.

Yes, I have posted about past relationships.  Yes, I have put a lot of my life out there for people to hear.  Yes, I tend to jump the gun on certain things because I believe it when someone says something will happen.  It’s part of life.  The difference is how you handle the follow through or in some cases, the aftermath. Still, as our favorite band would say, “Don’t Stop Believing”.

Almost everyone in this town wants to be loved.  Some find it easier to just float through life moving onto the next thing, not the next BEST thing.  They feel invincible and they crave the excitement and the newness – they become a “passion junkie”.  By the time they figure out they want something real, something more – their reputation is on the decline and their chance at really working for something dwindles so they go back into repeat behaviors – I see this out of a lot of men in this town. It tends to make women so frustrated that they begin to give up hope, while secretly wishing, praying and hoping that someone better will come along that has yet to be jaded.

I also see a lot of people lie about who they are.  They do it to climb the proverbial social ladder, to try to be part of a power couple (or in some cases to get into that relationship to be taken care of) or to just be recognized as someone of importance.  In this instance, it’s scarier than watching The Exorcist because you have no idea if you are dating a sociopath until in most cases, it’s too late.  It tends to bring people back to the paragraph above because it’s easier than getting your emotions played with or your heart broken.

Still, for all this dating craziness in this town, I’ve managed to escape dating these types, mainly by observing what I don’t want to date.  Yes, in hindsight, most of my relationships weren’t what others would expect.  Still,  I’ve learned that keeping a positive attitude, even when things happen (which can make for embarrassing chatter), and having the confidence to stand up for what you know makes you happy and what you know you deserve, makes all the difference in the world.

The conversation I had with my friends centered around how to break out of the norm of this town and what we see time and again.  They asked me how I continue to pick myself back up and move on.  Simple.  I stopped caring what people think because I have realized I can’t control what was (and is) said.  In addition, things happen for a reason – and it’s usually a good one.  If your relationship pace is to throw caution to the wind, fine.  Go with it.  It might lead to something great (like it has for me).   If it’s to take things slow and observe, great -  there are other people out there exactly like you who want to grow into something great.  No one opinion is right.  But the point is, you must do what is right for you.  Don’t be scared about what other people think because it’s true what they say – those that care will stick by you and support you and those that talk have nothing else to do.

 

 

Writer’s Note: Proof that life changes at a rapid pace and I’ve learned to “roll with the punches”, as my dad used to say…  The opportunity that was presented fell through.  Thus, it looks as though I will be in DC for at least another year.  While some would like me to just “make up my mind”, note that each time I tried, something rather important got in the way (a break-up, a failed offer letter and a failed work opportunity).  Sure, I’ve told more than one person I “wasn’t sure” about this move but when you think about it, it’s a huge life-changing, expensive decision and if I save myself from making a costly mistake, I’m happy to be the “girl who cried wolf”.

Quite honestly, I’m relieved to be one step closer to committing to something, aka a place to call “home”.  In fact, I’m committed to finding my “home” before the first next snowfall so if I’m trapped, at least I’m trapped by the metro, a grocery store, at least one Starbucks and a ton of friends.   The positive way to look at this: There’s no more goodbye, only hello… something I’m much better at saying anyway.

 

We all know that the directions in this song help formulate a dance that cause people to move limbs, as though they can’t make up their minds on whether they should be “in” or “out”.  This dance is all too familiar for me – I’ve been mentally doing it since August.

As most of you have been following through some of these blog posts, I’ve had a hard time making up my mind on staying in DC or moving back out west.  Well, three months later and my mind is still going back and forth on whether or not it’s a good idea.  Why?  For once in my life, I have no obligations that tie me to a locale: my job is flexible on location (I work from home), I have no lease and no mortgage.  So what is the issue?

I’ve made a life out in DC, have made some wonderful friendships and have plenty of opportunities to do really cool things.  BUT (yes there is a but), there is this nagging desire to be somewhere different – even if only for a little while – a chance to get my bearings and figure out my new working life, all while not being tied to a year-long lease, requiring a commitment I don’t want.  Well, today an opportunity (an excuse) finally fell into my lap and I’m taking it.  Starting November 30th, and for the next month, I’m going to be living/working/playing in one of the greatest places on earth.  Stay tuned to see which coast I end up on in 2012…

For those that know me, a Facebook invite is going out to celebrate!