I remember the age of the dot.com era when new money flooded DC and its surrounding areas. It was like a Gold Rush. Everyone from all over the world, moved to the area, in search of their startup being the next big thing. Thousands of people became instant millionaires, parties were aplenty, companies had tremendous perks and generally, everyone was happy. This era also brought an explosion of women, in their mid-20s – to – early 30s, pining for that CEO that would sweep them off their feet, allowing them to never work again. A large concentration of them were living in McLean.
McLean, VA was traditionally known for having old money, along with Great Falls and also Potomac, MD. However, since there was an influx of cash in the area at the time, mansions were almost popping up over night. Thus, there was even more attraction to being in the area, or at least scouting it out. But I digress.
Within McLean, a group of women seemed to band together to get each other married off. Some women had left their husbands (of lesser status), in search of one of these instant millionaires. Others, acquired a lot of plastic surgery. Whatever their method, within a year of dating this (poor) man, they would be engaged and it would be followed by a lavish wedding. This became their ticket to never working again.
Although I cannot reveal how I know this (too personal), these women would get together and discuss eligible bachelors, almost assigning each other to them, while providing prescriptive guidance on how to land these men. If they didn’t follow it, they were “doomed” (which usually led to panic, cat fights, drama and the status of “train wreck”).
The more amusing bit – most men knew what was going on but still, were lured in.
Ummm… DC is Always Like This?
You’re aren’t wrong but you aren’t right either. Sure, this type of behavior has always happened in the political world (well at least the women marrying for less-than-pure intentions). But understand that before 1997, Northern Virginia was predominately known for being smaller, largely undeveloped and only housing consulting companies. When the dot com era exploded, it brought all walks of life in from all over the world. Access to cash meant access to every guilty pleasure one could imagine – this includes women.
It Might Not Be Dot Com Era but Social Behaviors Haven’t Changed
It’s no secret that there have been social “fixtures” in this town that have carried on a legacy, which has transformed the DC dating scene into something of mess. In my last post: A “Little Something” to the Single People of DC During Summer, I discussed the top 10 things men should NOT do, while dating in DC. After so many comments and requests (coming from men and women), I decided to address the women with the top five things that they should NOT do. However, I’m not sure this will be as super funny as the other one. The reason: The influx of train wrecks in this area makes me want to sit them down in a class room (together) and spray them with a fire hose full of something other than water, until they realize they aren’t any better than anyone else. No, this isn’t out of jealousy or spite, this is out of annoyance.
1. Trumped-up self-importance. You’re in your early 20s, you’ve kept yourself in shape, you can turn the head of anyone… and you’re a raging bitch. Sure, you might have “dated” the most “eligible” men in town but there’s a reason you’re still single – you’re an over-dramatic pain in the ass. Yes, I’m not sugar-coating this one because there is no need to.
One of the worst things I’ve ever seen was two years ago at L2. Guests of an event were allowed in for the after-party and it was slightly chilly that night. Three blondes (who shall remain nameless), badgered the Security Guard so bad that one of them finally started yelling at him, telling him they were “High-powered VIPs and she was going to report him”. These three “nameless” souls are nothing more than attractive. On paper, they offer little in the way of intelligence. Of course, they got their way.
A more common example (and probably the most amusing example) I love to see are women in clubs, or even bars where loud, energetic music is playing. When they travel in packs, or even by themselves, you can see them stiffen up and walk to the beat of the music, as though for those few moments everyone is staring at them because THEY are a celebrity. You are not a celebrity. In fact, causing any sort of scene isn’t going to get you what you want, unless what you want are people making fun of you.
My only satisfaction is that one day, they will be in their 30s and miserable because they wasted their 20s playing this game.
2.Treating Men Like Crap. For some reason, women think this is necessary. It’s a power, alpha-female thing I guess. It’s as though breaking men down through a woman’s crappy attitude will make them so weak that the man has no choice but to give her a rock and marry her right away. Ladies, men are smarter than you think. Men: Quit using “that one girl” as an excuse to never date again.
Why do I say this? How many times have you been involved with/heard a story about some “asshole” guy who “used” this girl, while dating several others? This “asshole” guy was only like this because he got his heart broken ONE time because the girl he thought was drop dead gorgeous, looked more like this on the inside:
You can’t treat a man like crap – especially if he is bending over backwards to please you. When you guys break up, and you’re out searching for your next
victim “prize”, note that he will most likely already be an asshole because another girl just like you already ruined him. Thus, the cycle will continue to repeat itself.
3. Treating other women like crap. Really. I understand the need to have your “hottest” girlfriends by your side when you are going out (although I’ve seen the reverse happen). You think you’re living the movie Mean Girls by being this way – that having a unified presence will make you unstoppable and any other girl whom you meet will be lesser than you. Thus, you leave little room for meeting the allies you didn’t know you needed but should always remember to keep having.
This one girl that you may have “snubbed” could have been the one to introduce you to a man, much greater for you. Other men will refer you around, based on how “good” you are. Other women will refer you around, based on how great your personality is. Remember that.
4. Believing that sleeping with him will land him. Sigh. Let me begin by telling a story. You are in college and you’re at a fraternity party. You notice that at said fraternity party, there is always that one girl that seems to have slept with half the fraternity. They only invite her because they know one (or more) of them will get lucky. This is no different when you’re out of college. Do you think for one second men aren’t talking about you, saying how “easy” it was?
The thing you have to understand is that men will always be men. They WILL sleep around because it’s easier than dealing with another girl that fits the description of number 2 (literally the section before this, although I could see how the figurative sense of this could also work).
The more you put yourself in this position, the more of a “physical commodity” you become. While you might think it to be fun at the time, I am telling you, it isn’t fulfilling in the long run – you end up frantic and miserable.
5. Taking but not giving. In DC (and I’m sure other cities), there is this “phenomena” of “wanting”, i.e. “I want a man who is rich”, “I want a man who is hot”, etc. Ladies, do yourself a favor and become those things first. More and more men around here are not interested in marrying someone who doesn’t bring something to the table (those that were, at first, are now divorced). If you want a successful man – go out there and BE successful or at least show you do have a passion. If you want someone attractive, BE attractive. Marriages – and even relationships – are partnerships. If you don’t bring substance, he will get bored and walk away.
Be a Better Person
I know that this post isn’t going to turn the locomotive around (so-to-speak). The only thing I can offer is an uncanny perspective on the underbelly of the dating world in DC. The way I see it, beauty, niceness, intelligence and a sense of humor are a deadly combination. Sure, it might seem like dating is harder but honestly, it’s because you have a sense of respect for yourself, which in-turn these men have for you. I whole-heartedly believe that when you are a person of beauty on the inside and out, you radiate something that people are drawn to – especially men of better caliber.