A “Little Something” to the Single People of DC During Summer
It’s summer and we all know what that means… single people… in shorter ummm… hemlines. But for DC, it also means that the influx of (insert favorite adjective) men is much higher than normal. Blame it on summer heat, causing alcohol to ferment in their systems. (I’m being generous on that one.) Whatever it is, their ability to hold normal conversations or even behave in a somewhat decent manner goes out the window (okay, okay not only is it NOT a shocker, but also sort of year-round). Yet, for some reason, women fall for it, thus causing men to assume that the following (below) are normal, accepted and can be considered best practices.
Still, a lot of people find themselves with the “single” status more during this time of year, than any other time of year here. Most of us have been involved with someone for the last 6-9-12 months and now that we’re back out there, we need a refresher course – especially those of the male species.
Top 10 Things Men Need to Learn to NOT Do in DC
(Please note, the following are NOT exclusive to summer… it’s pretty much year-round here. It just seems to stand out MORE as it gets hotter… either that or my patience drastically reduces.)
- Grab our sides. Literally. Grabbing. Women – you think he’s playing around? Wrong. He is legitimately testing body fat. I’m not kidding. I cannot tell you how many times this has happened (to me and to my girlfriends) and some go so far as to note how skinny you are while doing it. Men – do you really think we don’t notice what you’re doing? We have half a mind to grab other things and comment. Chances are, we’ll walk away a lot faster.
- Tell us the guy we’re talking to doesn’t have any money. Wow. Most of us make our own and some of us just don’t care. This tells us you’re either desperate (because you’ve most likely dated everyone/have a poor reputation), you don’t have any yourself or you are extremely competitive (or all of the above). It’s not attractive.
- Dress like Ralph Lauren/Brooks Brothers/Vineyard Vines threw up on you (Gold Cup and other horse events excluded). I understand the ratio of waspy/preppy to normal is imbalanced in DC, given where we live and what most of us do for work. HOWEVER… loosen up a bit. If I see one more pastel color, one more Vineyard Vines swimtrunk or one more loafer, I will stick my very gay, very hip man friends on you. (Perhaps this one is more of my own taste – I seem to gravitate to laid back, SoCal-looking men… hmm… nope, I stand by this.)
- Talk about things you don’t have/aren’t going to do. Many, many women do fall for this (shame on you) but unless you can back it up right then and there, most of us don’t want to hear it. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard “I own a house in Georgetown” (find out he: rents, or lives with ex), “We should go for a ride in my….” (find out he is: borrowing, or it’s in the shop, or worse yet, he doesn’t have a car), “I want to take you to…” (find out he: never follows up with that), “I’ve never met a woman like you. You might just change me” (yep, that one has happened a lot and it’s funny… I stop believing them at that exact moment), “I’m a (insert big title here) at (insert prestigious lobbying firm, real estate company, etc.)” (No, you are not and chances are, you’re too busy screwing around and are in danger of losing your job – THAT list of men I’ve heard this from is very long). In short, if you have to talk about it, you either don’t have it or there is no real substance to you.
- Gloat about owning a boat. Everyone loves them and it’s fun to dock along the seawall in Georgetown to take in the energy. However, if you’re using it as “bait” for other activities, note that almost everyone in D.C. already knows what you’re doing when no one is above deck. Women… if this is the good time you’re looking for… I can certainly point you in the right direction. But for those who really WANT to avoid it let me give you some advice… remember when your parents told you to never go with a stranger? Or, they told you never to take candy from said stranger? Well, this still holds true today, except replace “go with a stranger” and “candy” with more adult-minded intentions. No… I’ve never been involved with this but I’ve witnessed/heard more stories than I care to.
- Tell us how you want us to dress by saying things such as, “I prefer women who wear…”, to which I sarcastically reply (with a big eye roll), “I’ll get right on that.” Ummm… sorry… there are plenty of other men talking about what they DON’T have that I can go talk to. Now if you’ll excuse me….
- Loudly talk about L2 “last night”. I like L2 but seriously… no need to bring it up in conversation as though you are part of a secret society… especially if we are there. It’s great that you go there every weekend and you’re a member. Honestly, I can get in without needing a membership – how do you think I was able to talk to you? Or, if we’re not there, know that chances are, I don’t care. I remember when men used to boast about going to Capital Grille or even the Palms. You can afford to go – we get it.
- Be rude to wait/bar staff OR FLIRT with them. The first is disgusting – they aren’t your servants. They are working while you’re out having good time. They deserve a TON of appreciation and thank you’s. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said “thank you” to someone who is just filling up my water glass, to try to make up for my date’s lack of manners. But the latter… yep… I’ve seen that too. I am the first to understand that flattery gets you everywhere but flirting will only get you half a date. Think about that…
- Ogle other women while in conversation with female company. Yes, there is always someone thinner, hotter, taller, etc. This is where I turn on my sarcasm. Ladies, look him straight in the eye and repeat after me, “Yep. She’s definitely hot. That dress accentuates her (insert part here). I think I’m gonna go talk to her. She probably has something better to say anyway.” Too forward? Try, “You’re right, this conversation is boring. I’ll be back.” (Don’t go back.) This goes back to hemlines. Note that you should never take ogling seriously (it’s okay to be annoyed)… men are “simple”.
- Create/cause drama. There is something about you men in D.C. and your gossip and the drama you start. You blame us women for the very thing you do more frequently than most of us have time for. Read number two for a perfect example. Or, gossiping that “so and so is in trouble at his job and is going to get fired”. Chances are, you’re in hotter water. Still, women aren’t off the hook. We can be just as guilty. The difference: We’ll say it to your face.
Now while that does NOT cover every single thing we see/hear/experience while dating in D.C., or that it’s exclusive to summer weather, it still gives those of us a hefty reminder of what newly single people need to remember when back out
hunting interviewing having a good time, especially over the next few months.
Tell me your summer dating horror stories! You can certainly keep it anonymous but given how MANY god-awful dates we have all been on around here, it’s worth the share. You never know, you might even help a female or two.
Are you offended/want to defend the male race/prove us all wrong? Comment – start a discussion! Goodness knows that if you are an attractive, fun, intelligent and down-to-earth man we all would love to hear from you…